Mystery “friend” reappeared… for a bit… came to town to visit his mother and sent me a text. He came over last Monday night and it was good to see him, but it will never be the same. My heart, and mind have shifted. I love him. I will always love him, his presence helped me through the worst event in my life, thus far… the death, unexpected death of my 59 year old sister. My last words to my sister were “I love you, you have no idea how much.” Debbies was gone within a few hours. She had a brain aneurysm. It’s been 3 years and 3 months.
I met my friends two days after my sister passed. He helped me through this dark time. It’s my observation he is not the deepest thinking person, but he put a smile on my sad face. It’s amazing how I can make love out of nothing. He didn’t love me. He never did. Why I put up with his cruel, disrespectful behavior for so long was my attachment to the memory of when he entered my life. He served a purpose during that time, but that time is long gone. I have not heard from him since seeing him Monday, which is of no surprise. I’m sure he has many women that mean nothing to him, on a heart level.
I release him with my heart, and wish him a joyful life. I will always have my memories, but today I have my reality.
Love is painful sometimes. But I wouldn’t change my naive heart for anything. I cry, I negotiate, I release and I accept. I’ll do it all over again.